How to Know When to Shift Your Personality Style to Find Success

Consider this scenario. A good friend arranges a blind date between you and someone who she works with. You are told that this person is professional, dependable, nice, and fun to be around. You agree to go. At the beginning of the date however, you find that while this person is indeed fun to be around, he/she is also unconcerned with time, sometimes impolite, and very competitive – not at all what you expected.

What happened? Why didn’t your friend tell you the truth about this person? The simple answer is that she probably did. She provided what she knew. She described the person that she knew at work. What she couldn’t provide was a description of this person in other aspects of life.

Often, we find ourselves “trapped” behaving in a way that is not common in our temperament style. Whether at work, play, with family, or in religious settings, we have the ability to demonstrate the behaviors that we consider (or that others consider) appropriate and necessary for the particular situation. Whatever the event or circumstance, this ability to do other colors suggests that different environments exert significant influences on a person and supercede his or her natural tendencies.

Beyond the scope of our work and social environments, we also demonstrate other temperament styles during different times or stages in our lives. When beginning a new relationship, even the greenest of Greens may exhibit some Blue behaviors. When beginning a new job, an Orange may use some Gold tendencies appear. Whatever the case may be, when the event/stage passes and life returns to “normal,” our behaviors also gravitate back into our own style.

Learning to behave in the manner common to a temperament that is not your own is not in and of itself a bad thing. In our many daily tasks and responsibilities, we often find the need to “play the game” in order to successfully accomplish our goals.

For example, the Blue salesperson may find it extremely useful to demonstrate Orange behaviors at work to make the sale. At home, this person who spent the day in head-to-head, high-energy competition, may spend the evening chatting on the phone with friends, helping their child with homework, or reading a juicy novel.

Our ability to utilize this flexibility allows us to be more versatile and better qualifies us to deal with the events of our lives.

Regardless of our primary color or temperament, it is important to remember that we all have a unique color spectrum. With this spectrum comes a myriad of motivational and behavioral possibilities. While it is common (and beneficial) to demonstrate the behaviors of the other temperaments, it is important not to cross the fine line between doing another color and attempting to become another color. In order to maintain personal health and well being, we need to balance the behaviors we can tolerate doing with our natural tendencies.

If you’re not exactly sure if you are primarily a Blue, Gold, Green, or Orange personality type, then check out the free test at where you can learn more about human temperament. When you subscribe to the free blog, you’ll also receive a number of tips and strategies for finding more success with the people in your life, both at home and in the workplace.

About the Author: Nathan Bryce is the inventor of the world’s first patented personality system, the Insight Temperament System, which applies the research of Carl Jung, David Keirsey, Isabel Myers (and many others) into real-life settings. His educational company, the non-profit Insight Learning Foundation, teaches hundreds of thousands of people all around the world how to understand people better. Please visit for more information.

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Can a Relationship Recover From “Let’s Be Friends?”

No one ever wants to hear the words, “Let’s be friends” from the person they are dating. All too often people assume that those words mean the end of a relationship. They figure what their ex really means is that they want to break up and never see each other again. However, this is not always the case. Sometimes when people say, “Let’s be friends,” they mean exactly that.

It is possible that the person using the phrase, “Let’s be friends”, really does value your friendship. If this is the case, they may simply be confused about how the really feel about you. This is when some time apart may be the best way to bring both of you back together.

Time without you may be just what your ex needs to remind them why the two of you were dating in the first place. When they are ready to make amends, be their friend and see where it leads.

It may also be that the person who said, “Let’s be friends”, is afraid of how strong their feelings are for you. Sometimes when we first fall in love with another person it is frightening. Often times in this situation a person will push away the person they love rather than risk falling deeper in love and getting badly hurt. The best course of action for this situation is to embrace the friendship. Once your ex realizes that you’re not going anywhere, they may be willing to risk trying a romantic relationship once more.

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Do the Words “Let’s Be Friends” Mean the Relationship is Over?

Many people end relationships by saying, “Let’s just be friends”. Hearing those words may leave you feeling hurt and frustrated. What does that phrase actually mean? Does this mean the relationship is over with no chance of reconciliation or do they really mean that they want you to stay a part of their life?

A Phrase to Ease the Pain and Walk Away

Many times when the person you are dating says, “Let’s just be friends”, what they are really saying is “It’s over”. In searching for a way to ease the pain they are going to cause, they will say what they think you will want to hear. You want to hear that they still value you but simply don’t want to date you. If you find yourself in this predicament, your best bet is to walk away and start your search for someone who values and loves you as you are. After all, it’s unlikely that you are going to change their mind.

A Phrase to Take a Break

Sometimes when a person says, “Lets just be friends” they mean exactly what they say. They may feel that maintaining an intimate relationship is time consuming and emotionally draining. For them, a friendship is much easier to deal with. They may enjoy spending time with you but don’t have the energy or desire to make a relationship work at the present time. For them, they mean the phrase “Let’s just be friends”. It’s highly probable that they need time to think things through about the relationship and how you fit in their life. This is what is called getting a clear perspective.

If you believe that the second case is true in your situation then all hope is not lost. What you need to do is back off for a bit, follow their lead and be patient. Chances are that they are going to realize that a good friend is what you want when looking at a long-term relationship.

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Get Your Ex Back Without Any Contact

Despite the fact that most people believe that having no contact with an ex is the best way to heal, and indeed get to a place where you can objectively assess whether you really want to resume a relationship with an ex, there are some people that cannot seem to maintain the golden rule of no contact, so they stay in contact with their exes with the hopes of getting them back. You can get an ex back with no contact but you will need a few tips in order to avoid ruining your chances. So, without further ado, here are some tips to get your ex back without using no contact.

1. Do not contact them too much – Ever had someone that you know ‘like’ you but you are uncertain about them? If they constantly email/call/text you, you soon become pretty certain that this is NOT the person for you. You start ignoring their contact in the hope that they will ‘get the idea’. Excessive contact comes across as needy and isn’t attractive. Besides that, you soon run out of things to say and the communication becomes less ‘special’. So contact them occasionally (every two weeks) and let the ex contact you in between. Appear in their lives momentarily, and then disappear. This shows that you have a life but that you still enjoy their company. Don’t let them know that you want them back, let them wonder if you do.

2. Make sure your interactions are fun and not emotional – This links to the above point. You have to be FUN. Talking about the relationship and what went wrong drags up bad memories and will probably make your ex feel guilty. Remember – you want your ex to feel GOOD after hearing from you, not guilty. No good can come of relationship talk unless the ex raises it as a way to discuss reconciling. If your ex does choose to bring it up, but you suspect that it has nothing to do with them wanting you back – make light of it.

3. Do not ask too many personal questions – Your ex will eventually tell you what they have been up to, and will do it without feeling as if you are fishing for information. Be smart about what you ask also. If they tell you that they went and saw a new movie, just ask about the movie, and resist asking who they saw it with.

4. Avoid the pitfall of trying to make them jealous – You will be much better off just giving your ex little bits of information on what you have been up to. Mystery is much more attractive than them knowing you have been out dating every night. If you tell them you have been dating other people, they may take that as you trying to manipulate them into feeling jealous, and this will backfire on you. There is a reason for the adage of “silence is golden”.

5. Try to move on even while still in contact with your ex – Do not maintain contact with your ex for the sole purpose of getting them back. This can only lead to emotional turmoil and you will eventually feel resentment towards your ex. This always ends in an emotional meltdown of some sort.

If you follow these tips to the letter, and do not fall for the temptation of getting emotional, you can get your ex back without using no contact. Just take special care to avoid breaking these rules.

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3 Top Reasons Why Your Boyfriend Ignores You

You may have gone out on a great date with a man who promised to get in touch with you. After the date, however, he seems to disappear into thin air. Why does he ignore you? This may happen due to a number of reasons, some of which we are going to take a look at here.

1. It was too easy

Although it is commonly said that men like us to be more aggressive, the fact remains that they would still like to go after us. In fact, all human beings usually give more value to the things they have struggled to get. If you were readily available with hardly an effort on his part, he may just lose interest.

2. Lack of understanding

You should be aware that our male counterparts usually think in different ways. For example, while you may see nothing wrong with spending hours on the phone with him, this may not be the case on his part. When there is no understanding between you, that guy will be less motivated to get in touch.

3. The impression you give

We have just touched on phone calls. If you call your boyfriend every now and then, you won’t attract him more. Instead, you will just turn him off when you appear to be chasing after him. The best method is to get in touch with him less often. This will give him the chance to miss you and he will contact you.

Another part of this is when you are constantly nagging him about what he thinks of the relationship. If you press him for commitment, he may back off instead.

In general, we tend to speak much more than the men. So, you risk drowning him in a sea of words, which will just encourage him to avoid your company. You may even appear to be trivial as it is really difficult to say so much without repeating oneself.

When your boyfriend begins to ignore you, try to figure out which one of these could be the reason.

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